


look it up, spotify

by mikararinna



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mark goes through several breakdowns because ofc he does, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, renmin if u squint, take a shot every time someone says dude or idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:00:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29607729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikararinna/pseuds/mikararinna
Summary: Listening ActivityhaechanLove of My LifeQueen♬he broke my heartThat shouldn't be right, Mark thought. Donghyuck's playlist had always been happy, colourful, lovely. He should be in love, excited and beaming from joy. Not getting his heart broken over a crush that Mark wasn't even aware of.(Donghyuck had several love playlists on his Spotify that he regularly listened to. Mark took notice.One day, however, his playlist changed.)
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 20
Kudos: 226





	look it up, spotify

**Author's Note:**

> here's an embarrassing story: for the longest time i thought mark said look it up spotify on city 127, turns out it was look at our sparks fly
> 
> but hey it made a great fic title anyways  
> (no this is unfortunately not sponsored by spotify but you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/mikararinna) if you enjoyed this)
> 
> [the playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5myyWetsk4HfS2eXcn1whD?si=AcmoRwg-TLiTsr8X3jlwQw)

**Listening Activity**  
**_haechan_ **  
_all the kids are depressed_  
_Jeremy Zucker_  
♬ _will i ever be enough_

Mark walked over to Donghyuck’s table, feeling the condensation from the soda can soaking his hand. He placed the can on the table as soon as he reached him. Donghyuck looked up at him, an eyebrow raised. Mark levelled his stare. He opened his bag, pulling out an assortment of chocolates and placing those on the table as well. Donghyuck still looked at him, confused. 

“What are all these for?” Donghyuck asked him.

“A pick-me-up,” Mark answered. 

“What?”

“Your grades don’t determine you as a person. You’re smart, Hyuck. The exams are just insane. I know you studied hard and your efforts are seen. It isn’t the end of the world just because of a bad grade,” Mark said, voice full of resolve. 

“Feels like it when my scholarship is on the line,” Donghyuck muttered out. 

“They won’t take back your scholarship just because of one bad grade. Your average is still enough to secure your scholarship,”

Donghyuck shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe. But it’s not a guarantee for me.”

Mark frowned. “Just take the chocolate and accept the fact that you _are_ smart but societal construct is a piece of shit.” 

“We’re at the library, idiot. I can’t eat it here.” Donghyuck said, putting the chocolates and soda can in his bag. “Sit down,”

Mark pulled out the chair beside Donghyuck and took a seat. He still stared at Donghyuck in worry. There was no hint of stress or disappointment in Donghyuck’s face however. He looked fine, happy even. It didn’t look like he recently experienced a mental breakdown over his midterms results. 

“You know they won’t take away your scholarship, right?” Mark told him. “There’s still our finals,”

Donghyuck chuckled. “I know. I was just a bit upset last night. He looked at Mark, lips pursed. “Were you stalking me through Spotify again?”

“No!” Mark spluttered out. “I was listening to some music while finishing my assignment last night. And I- I saw your music activity…”

“You could’ve just text or call me to ask if I’m okay instead of wait till now,”

“You won’t answer me anyway,”

Donghyuck hummed. “True. But seriously though, stop stalking me on Spotify.”

“I’m not!” Mark exclaimed, earning him a hush from a nearby student. He nodded his head at the student in apology before turning back to Donghyuck. “It’s just- there and I can’t help but see it.”

“Maybe if you unfollow my Spotify account,”

“But then I’ll miss out on good songs suggestions,” Mark retorted. “Plus, your playlist names are creative. I kinda enjoy going through them,”

Heat creeped up Donghyuck’s face. He looked away from Mark. “Well, I guess I’m not like _someone_ who names their playlist with edgy one word nouns.”

“Words are not my thing,” 

“You’re a Soundcloud rapper.”

Mark snorted. “So? It’s not like I write any life changing lyrics anyways.”

“Really? Because I can name a few-”

“Shut up.”

Donghyuck cackled quietly. He looked around them, students trying to study and was increasingly getting bothered by their noises. “Hey, wanna leave this place and crash someplace else?”

“Where?” Mark asked. 

“Somewhere that a librarian won’t kick us out for disrupting the peace of others,” Donghyuck answered, already seeing a librarian walking towards them. He quickly packed up his things, standing up and pulled Mark out of his chair. “Does McDonald’s sound good to you?”

“The best if it’s your treat,”

Donghyuck snorted, rolling his eyes. They left the library, barely making pass the librarian, quiet giggles under their breath. And Donghyuck didn’t feel so terrible anymore with Mark’s hand in his hold. 

**Listening Activity**  
**_haechan_ **  
_If I Can't Have You_  
_Shawn Mendes_  
♬ _he made my heart flutter_

Mark was in no way a stalker. 

He was far from those creepy stalkers you heard on the news, following their interest everywhere they went. Nope, he was not that. But he wasn’t that type to purposely go on social media and scroll through his crush's Instagram profile either. It just wasn’t his type of thing. He casually scrolled through his social media, liking pictures and tweets here and there. He never went out of his way to search an anthole for a person he was attracted to. 

So really, Mark wasn’t a stalker. 

What he was, is being an attentive friend. 

Following Donghyuck’s Spotify account wasn’t really something he decided on deliberately. It was more of an impulsive decision. 

Donghyuck got his own Spotify account before they started college. After successfully begging his older brother to share a family account with him because, as quoted from Donghyuck, “We live in 2021, hyung, not the 1900s. I am not going to listen to songs on a cassette or God forbid a free account so _please_ split the bill with me.” So, that was that and Donghyuck got himself an account. 

Mark, back then, who had started college before Donghyuck, for some reason asked him for his Spotify username. Then he decided, why not follow Donghyuck? 

There was no harm to it. The most that would happen was Mark seeing Donghyuck’s listening activity. Which, to be honest, was a plus point for Mark. Both him and Donghyuck had similar music tastes. He could easily listen to whatever Donghyuck was listening to at that moment, maybe add it to his own playlist if he liked it and they will still go on with their lives. 

With Mark in college, he rarely listened to new music, sticking to the old playlists he had since he was 16. Hence, Donghyuck was his provider for new music. There was nothing to complain about, really.

It happened one night actually, when Mark noticed Donghyuck’s listening activity. 

He usually turned on his Spotify on his phone, but that night he decided to turn on Spotify on his desktop while doing his work. Mark wasn’t expecting anything when he logged in. His curiosity piqued however when he caught Donghyuck’s listening activity. 

Or rather, the name for his playlist. 

Donghyuck had always been outspoken with his feelings and affection. It was no lie that the other couldn’t help but voice his thoughts, after, of course, filtering it out a little. It surprised Mark when he saw Donghyuck’s playlist name though. 

_I love you, idiot_ was certainly a creative name for a playlist. There was also no denying the theme for the playlist. The songs in the playlist were mostly love songs, talked about love and overall had this red heart vibe everywhere. 

It was a confession playlist. 

Mark was curious and interested. For as long as Mark had known Donghyuck, they never hid anything from each other. His secrets were Donghyuck to keep; and Donghyuck’s secrets were his to secure. So to see Donghyuck listening to a love playlist, a confession one at that was a surprise to Mark. Because as far as Mark knew, Donghyuck never told him of a crush. He wasn’t aware of a lover either. 

A mystery for Mark to solve.

But when he asked Donghyuck that next morning, the other merely blush and told him to not think about it. 

The same night he listened to a playlist titled _maybe I’m the idiot._

Donghyuck was creative with his playlist names. And he was clearly very in love with whoever idiot this was. 

Perhaps he was in denial or he was shy to admit to Mark on who the crush was. Either way, Mark made it his mission to look at Donghyuck’s listening activity. It was usually the same two playlists; _I love you, idiot_ and _maybe I’m the idiot_ playlists. Sometimes he would insert his sad boy hours playlists; the one where Mark knew that Donghyuck needed a hug and a bag of chocolates. 

Seeing a new playlist that Donghyuck was listening to was interesting to say the least. 

_He made my heart flutter_ was a cute name for a playlist. And could only mean that there was progress between Donghyuck and his crush. Mark grinned in front of his laptop screen. He could use this to tease Donghyuck, for sure. 

“Why are you smiling in front of your laptop like an idiot? I doubt that chord progression is any fun,” His roommate, Yangyang asked. 

“Nothing,” Mark said, shaking his head. “Hey, you’re close with Donghyuck, right?”

“Yes?” Yangyang answered hesitantly.

“Do you know who his crush is?” Mark asked. “He’s been making playlists for this dude but Hyuck won’t tell me who it is,”

Yangyang blinked. “You- seriously don’t know?” 

Mark shook his head, face blank.

“Dude, you’re childhood friends with Hyuck,”

“I mean, yeah but we’re not that close anymore? I mean we’re still close but not as much as when we’re kids. I don’t know, dude, Hyuck doesn’t want to tell me. So I’m kinda wondering who it is,” 

“You’ve… never thought of who it could be?”

“Well, I’ve narrowed down a few people. Lucas from Engineering, that girl from Design, Jeno too. I’ll put in Renjun and Jaemin if they weren’t dating but nah- Oh! And that other guy from Business too,” Mark mumbled out. He turned to look at Yangyang. “And you,”

“Me?” Yangyang squeaked in surprise. “Why the hell would he have a crush on me?”

Mark shrugged his shoulders. “Seems reasonable.”

Yangyang blinked at him. He scoffed. “Then why don’t you think it’s you?”

“Me?” Mark asked, silently thinking. He snorted then let out a disbelief laughter. “Are you crazy? Nah,” There was a pause. “No- Nah. Hyuck and I have been friends since we’re in our diapers. He doesn’t have a crush on me,”

“Huh,” Yangyang huffed out. He sighed out. “I am friends with fools. I’m heading out, I can’t deal with this.”

With that, Mark watched as Yangyang left their shared apartment. He blinked then turned back towards his opened laptop screen. Donghyuck had stopped listening to any music sometime ago between Mark’s conversation with Yangyang. He hummed to himself, adding Donghyuck’s last listened song onto his queue.

**Listening Activity**  
**_haechan_ **  
_It's Not Living (If It's Not With You)_  
_The 1975_  
♬ _maybe i'm the idiot_

Mark blinked blearily at the presentation slide in front of him. Perhaps that decision to stay up late and finish one of his assignments didn't pay well. He stifled a yawn, trying to jot down whatever notes he could manage from his lecturer's monotonous tone. He looked down at his notebook. Well, that didn't look tangible at all. 

He would see if it worked later on. 

There was still a good hour before the lecture would end. Mark debated leaving the hall and getting a quick nap somewhere. He could sleep here but he didn't want to unintentionally offend his professor. 

The lecture wasn't entirely boring, Mark was only too tired to care. 

There was the soft click of the back doors opening behind him. Mark arched his eyebrow but didn't turn to look. Guessed he wasn't the only one who was pondering ditching the lecture. There was quiet murmurs, shuffling, and then a presence beside him. Mark turned to look, jumping slightly in his seat. 

"Dude, what-"

Jaehyun pressed a finger in between his lips, silently shushing him. Mark shut his mouth, his expression in panic at the out of place senior. 

"What are you doing in my lecture hall? Your building is on the other side of campus?" Mark hissed out quietly, careful not to disturb the others. He doubted his seatmate couldn't hear though. He could feel her judging gaze on him. 

"Yeah, but I don't have classes." Jaehyun whispered. "I need to tell you something," 

"You can't wait until my class is over?"

"By then I'll have my own class," 

"Just text me then?"

There was a pause. Mark looked at Jaehyun, a resigned sigh leaving his lips. "You didn't think of texting me instead?"

"I forgot that simplified communications method exists," Jaehyun mumbled. 

"Are you sure you were born in the 20th century and not a vampire who had lived 1000 years?" Mark questioned. 

"Ugh, I wish. I would make a better Edward Cullen," Jaehyun sighed out. "But whatever, I'm here already I might as well tell you," 

Mark raised an eyebrow at him. "What is it?"

"The pool boys are holding party,"

"Again?" Mark asked. "Didn't we have that post midterms pool party?" 

"Yeah, but like this is the _post_ post midterms party," Jaehyun explained. "Besides, you weren't here for the last party. Come on, you gotta be there for this one." 

Mark sighed. "Can I think about it?"

"No thinking about it! You're part of the swim team you _need_ to be there or it's not the swim boys pool party." 

"I don't really want to be at a party-"

"What do you have to do? An essay on the beauty of a guitar string?" 

Mark rolled his eyes. "No, but now that you suggest it, I'm tempted."

"Oh come on, and miss out on the beauty of splashing unexpected guests? You have to come, you're a swim boy too." 

"I'm starting to regret being one…" Mark mumbled under his breath. 

"It's one night and you won't regret it. Let loose a little. You're still in college. You'll regret not having fun when you graduate," Jaehyun reasoned. "I'll text you the details. It's next week, see you there!" 

Mark watched as Jaehyun slithered his way back to the back of the lecture hall. He quietly slipped through the door, none of the students surrounding them even bat an eye at his presence and departure. Mark turned to the front. He leaned against his chair, sighing. 

Nothing was staying in his brain and now he had a pool party to think about. 

He made it out of that lecture alive but feeling deader than the night. His professor had given him a calculating gaze. It was either from the fact that Jaehyun slipped into the lecture hall and his professor noticed them or he was just concerned about the eyebags weighing Mark. 

Mark hoped it was the latter. He didn't need to build a bad reputation with his professors. It was enough that he had to deal with being a member of the swimming club. 

Thinking about the swimming club, there was still that pool party Jaehyun forced him to attend. As if on cue, his phone received a notification. Mark pulled it out, reading the text Jaehyun sent about the party. The older male must have some kind of mind reading ability or of that sort. Everyday Mark's regret on joining the swimming club increased. 

He sighed, pocketing his phone and leaving the area. A party was a party and being a club member meant that he had to attend. 

Mark walked down the hallway, hearing chirps and whispers all around him. He arched an eyebrow at this. There were always gossips swimming through the hallway crowds but this didn't seem like regular news spreading. He raised his head slightly to look at what the commotion was about, thinking that it might be a movie star doing a shoot at their campus. 

When he saw who they were talking about, it made sense to Mark. 

If it wasn't Donghyuck and Jaemin. Of course they would gain hallway attention. These two were practically crowd stealers wherever they went. Cheerful, friendly and popular Donghyuck with handsome, mysterious but equally popular Jaemin. They were only a quarter of Donghyuck's talk of the town friend group. The vast difference between them and Mark was jarring. 

The only popular quality for Mark was that he was part of the swim club. Otherwise, he was just as regular as the next walking student. 

He continued to watch as Donghyuck was persuading Jaemin on something. The other looked like he was tired of this conversation and would rather be somewhere else. But he didn't seem like moving away anytime soon, showing that he was actually listening to whatever Donghyuck was babbling about. 

Briefly, Mark wondered if something was going on between them. 

Nah, Jaemin wasn't Donghyuck's crush. The campus so-called bad boy was already seeing someone and Donghyuck wasn't one to get in between other's relationships. 

Mark shrugged it off, turning a corner to head to his dorm. He needed to lay down and get a good sleep if he were to deal with more Jaehyun in the upcoming days. The senior would never leave him alone until he verbally stated that he would attend the party. 

He fell slightly forward as a figure draped themself over him. Too busy with his thought, Mark didn't even notice the sudden presence. 

"Found you!" Donghyuck exclaimed as he pulled away and gave Mark a grin. 

"You couldn't tap me on the shoulder like a normal person?" Mark huffed, straightening himself. 

"I'm not exactly normal, am I?" Donghyuck replied. "I saw you in the hallway. Why didn't you say hi?"

"You were busy convincing Jaemin to commit foolery last I saw," Mark said. 

"Yeah, he wasn't convinced," Donghyuck sighed. "Where are you heading to?" 

"Dorm,"

"Oh! I'll walk you there," 

Mark arched an eyebrow at him. "It's just my dorm. I can walk there on my own just fine,"

"You sound like you don't want to spend some precious time with me," Donghyuck pouted. 

Mark sighed. "Fine. Walk me to my bedroom for all I care."

Donghyuck grinned again. "Gladly." 

They fell into step, Donghyuck matching Mark's irregular pace. 

"I heard the swim team is holding a party next week," Donghyuck asked. 

Mark hummed. "Yeah…"

"You're gonna be there?"

"Forced to. Jaehyun would threaten to kick me out of the swim team if I don't. It's just a stupid party." 

"You've never been fond of parties, aren't you?"

"They're not my thing," Mark admitted. "You know I hate crowds. I just- I rather stay at home." 

"You can stick with me." Donghyuck said. "I'm going to the party, I think. But yeah, I'll probably go if you'll be there,"

Mark snorted. "You'll be busy with your friends,"

"Yeah, you." Donghyuck answered, looking at him. Mark blinked. "You're my friend too, are you not?"

"Right," 

Donghyuck smiled. "We can go to the party together."

"You sure you want to?" Mark asked. "I'm not exactly the most fun party buddy,"

"It's cool. You're Mark Lee," Donghyuck said, still smiling wide. "And that's enough for me," 

**Listening Activity**  
**_haechan_ **  
_Still into You_  
_Paramore_  
♬ _I love you, idiot_

Mark liked to think that him and Donghyuck were still best friends. Maybe really great friends if he stretched it far enough. But there was a short period in their lives where their friendship had been a ghost string attached on each end and Mark guessed it might have somewhat affected their current relationship. 

They didn't have a fallout or a fight. Mark never fought Donghyuck. The most they had done was argue about which flavour of gelato was the best. It was only a weird and awkward gap in their friendship that may or may not have left them a bit wary around each other. 

Mark had known Donghyuck since they were toddlers. They were neighbours and it only felt natural to befriend the other kid next door. They went to pre school together, middle school and now college too. 

They skipped high school. 

Just before Mark graduated middle school, his dad got an offer to work in Canada. He couldn't leave his family behind, thus Mark found himself starting high school on the other side of the world. 

Donghyuck wasn't too keen on Mark leaving back then. They were inseparable. To have Mark leave was a weird thing to imagine. But it was a reality to them. 

They still keep in contact. They tried to, most times. Time difference was a hassle and Mark tried to reply to Donghyuck's texts as much as he could. It was still not much talking as they did back when Mark was still Donghyuck's neighbour. And with the different environment they were put in, perhaps it had affected their adolescence development in some way. 

There were things they never talked about to each other. There was more prolonged silence during Skype calls. There were forgotten days in between text messages. In the end, the previous attachment they had on each other grew into a regular friendship. 

When Mark returned to Korea when his dad was reinstated back here, Mark grew into this shy, never-really-got-out-of-his-awkwardness phase male he was today. And Donghyuck…

Donghyuck changed a lot in Mark's opinion. 

Perhaps because he hadn't seen Donghyuck in a while but Donghyuck was certainly a different person when Mark met him again. He was loud, a little bit eccentric. Not that he wasn't when Mark left but it was tenfold when they met again. He grew out of his chubbiness, his eyes were always sparkling and he was… he was stunning. 

Mark had looked at him when they met again and could almost never look away. Donghyuck glowed differently and Mark was plain. 

Maybe that was the gap that divided them. 

When Mark entered college, he stuck to that shy, slightly awkward personality. He stuck to himself mostly. The only big change made was when he joined the swim club and befriended the older guys there. They were cool and they think he was cool despite him being more on the introverted side. 

When Donghyuck entered college however, he had everyone's eyes on him. He was fun, outgoing and his new clique of friends made Mark feel more disassociated from him. There was a wall dividing their lives that Mark was scared to breach at it. 

But sometimes, Donghyuck looked at him like they were 13. Said some stupid joke as if they were 10 again. And Mark wished Donghyuck would act like those chick flick movies protagonists who abandon an old friend for a life of fame, just so Mark wouldn't feel disconnected from their newly established life. Pretend that they had never known each other for years. Yet it wasn't in Donghyuck's nature to do that. 

And it wasn't in Mark's nature to abandon him either. 

So here they were, in a weird limbo of they were still, somewhat, best friends. 

**Listening Activity**  
**_haechan_ **  
_Teenage Dream_  
_Katy Perry_  
♬ _he made my heart flutter_

Mark opened the front door, surprise evident on his face as he took in Donghyuck's figure. "Yangyang already left with Renjun,"

Donghyuck chuckled. "I'm here to pick you up, silly," 

"You are?"

"I promised, didn't I?" Donghyuck replied. "Come on, let's go to the party,"

“I’m not ready, though,” Mark said. 

It was a lie. He was ready, well, as ready as he could be. He put on a floral beach shirt he was sure he stole from his dad’s wardrobe when he went home the other day and a pair of beach shorts. It was a pool party so technically this made sense, right? They were going to dunk themselves into the pool too eventually. But as he gave Donghyuck a once over, he was starting to rethink his own fashion choices. The floral printed buttoned up might not feel out of place but that ripped jeans were surely a crime to be worn at a pool party, right?

“What are you talking about? You look good,” Donghyuck said, assessing him. “Come on or we’re going to be late and Jaehyun might consider that threat to kick you out of the swim club.”

Mark sighed. “Wait, let me just get my things.”

He ran inside to grab his wallet, keys and phone before he exited his dorm. Mark locked the door. He looked at Donghyuck, the other merely giving him a smile before they walked out of the building.

The party was being held at the university pool. In retrospect, it might be a bad idea to hold a party on campus but Jaehyun somehow had his way with it. It was all good as long as they didn't wreck havoc on the other campus’ facility. As for the pool, well, the swim team were the ones who usually cleaned it. So it doesn't matter if they dirtied it tonight. As long as they clean it up before the next time the university administration does another round of check. 

That was Jaehyun’s problem and not Mark’s. 

“It’s not going to be that bad, you know?” Donghyuck said, bumping their shoulders together. 

“I sure hope so,” Mark mumbled.

“You say this now but when the alcohol hits, you won’t even remember that I’ll be around,” 

Mark looked at him. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because there’s all these cute girls around, so why would you hang out with me?”

“I feel like you might forget me as soon as we enter the party.”

“Why would I?”

“Because you have your cool friends around,”

Donghyuck chuckled. “Silly Mark. I think you’re pretty cool.”

“Are you sure?” Mark asked. “I’m not one to stand out or anything,”

“And that’s fine by me. I like to keep you to myself,” Donghyuck answered, grinning as they entered the pool area. 

There were lights, music and a lot of people. He should realize by now that Jaehyun’s circle of friends could fit the pool just fine. And with the rest of the swim team, it was a miracle that they could fit everyone here. 

“Yo Mark,” Jaehyun greeted, patting his back. “Glad you could make it. Hey, Hyuck!”

Donghyuck nodded his head. “You invited more people than the last time,”

“There are more people tonight since they’re less busy this time around. Enjoy your time. Drinks are near the changing rooms. We don’t need someone accidentally spilling punch in the pool again,” Jaehyun sighed, before he disappeared out of their sight. 

“Drinks?” Donghyuck asked. 

“I would need something to get through the night.” Mark answered.

Donghyuck laughed, taking his wrist and pulling him to where the drinks were. It tasted disgustingly like sugar and beer, probably with a hint of strawberry added in the last minute. Mark wasn't sure. But he grabbed another cup as he watched someone get dunk into the pool. His stomach was starting to burn. 

"You're going to get drunk before we hit the pool," Donghyuck said, eyeing his third cup.

"You're going into the pool in that?" Mark asked. 

"No!" Donghyuck spluttered. His cheeks were starting to bloom a beautiful pink. "The jeans will shrink. I'll just play around with the water guns,"

"Why wear ripped jeans to a pool party then?" Mark inquired. 

"They look cute." 

Mark hummed. "Yeah. You look good in those." 

Donghyuck looked at him, eyes wide. He giggled. Mark cocked his head to the side. Perhaps they have both gotten a little tipsy. 

"Do you want to dance?" Donghyuck asked. 

"I might step on your feet," Mark answered.

"So?" Donghyuck said, grinning. "Remember when we were 14 and we used to dance to Katy Perry?"

"You mean flail around to Katy Perry?" Mark said, amused. 

"Same thing," Donghyuck shrugged. "So, dance?"

"I think I could try and not step on your pretty Converse," 

Donghyuck grinned wider. He placed his cup on the table and did the same to Mark's own. Mark let him take the lead, tugging him by the wrist to the dance area. It was humid and stuffy and Mark was starting to itch in his skin. But Donghyuck glowed, arms wrapped around his neck and he thought that perhaps this wasn't so bad. 

So Mark indulged himself. Music and alcohol consuming his body, Donghyuck pressed close to him. 

**Listening Activity**  
**_haechan_ **  
_Be My Mistake_  
_The 1975_  
♬ _he broke my heart_

"Ugh, what happened?" Mark groaned, trying to sit up. 

His head was pounding like crazy. Mark could barely sit up without the weight of his head pulling him back. He blinked, looking around the place. He was surely not at the campus pool. The room was foreign, certainly not his dorm then. 

Just as Mark was about to find his phone to check the time, Jaehyun walked into the living room. He gave Mark a once over then snickered. 

"Dude, you were so wasted last night," Jaehyun said, walking over to him. 

He handed Mark his phone. Mark turned it on, seeing that it was already late in the afternoon. 

"The hell happened last night?" Mark asked, looking at Jaehyun. 

Seeing that the older man didn't look like he was welcoming death, Mark guessed that Jaehyun was still sober when everything unfolded. Lucky guy. Mark couldn't remember how he even got here, much less how much beer he drank. 

"We were playing beer pong in the locker room when you stumbled in. Yuta might have given you too much to drink though, I'm not sure," Jaehyun said, standing up and heading to the kitchen. "Then we started playing spin the bottle with the swim team. I never knew you were a great kisser, Mark."

Mark blinked. "I kissed you?"

Jaehyun snorted. "Nah, it never landed on me. You kissed Mina and Felix though. They said you were good. But you passed out after you kissed Mina and we kinda just left you like that. I had to bring you home. Can't find Yangyang so I just brought you to my place."

"Huh…" Mark mumbled. "That's a lot to take in,"

"And you wanted to ditch the party," Jaehyun retorted. 

"Dude, I just kissed two people at the party who also happen to be my teammates. It's not going to end up well," Mark said, getting up from where he sat. 

"Oh, come on. It was fun though you gotta admit that." Jaehyun said. He handed Mark a glass of water as he walked over. "And I doubt Mina and Felix minded it. We were kinda wilding last night," 

"What else did I do?" Mark asked.

"Eh, not much. Like I said you were wasted as hell. Passed out right after kissing a girl," Jaehyun snorted. 

Mark winced. He chugged down the water in one go. "I should probably say sorry to Mina and Felix," 

Jaehyun hummed. "You would probably find them at the pool. They lost a bet with a few of the other swim guys. Go home and change first, would you? You stink."

Mark rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever. Thanks for taking care of me last night, dude."

"You owe me!" Jaehyun called out, Mark waving him off as he left the apartment.

Mark unlocked the door to his dorm, grateful that it was quiet inside. Yangyang probably went off somewhere, leaving the place empty. He entered his dorm, walking towards his bedroom. He turned on his laptop and opened up his Spotify, choosing to blast a random song from his daily mix before shedding his clothes. 

He threw his dirtied clothes into a hamper and took a shower. Playing a song on his laptop was rather futile. The sound didn't quite reach the joined bathroom as compared to when Mark blasted a song through his phone and brought it into the shower with him. But he needed to charge his phone and listening to the muffled guitar riffs were better than nothing. 

He hummed to himself as he got rid of last night's choices. The sweat and alcohol stench clung to his body, making Mark scrunch up his nose in distaste. 

He should clean up faster and apologize to Mina and Felix. It must have been awkward to kiss a team member. 

Mark shook his head. Even if that wasn't his first kiss, it really felt odd to kiss someone he didn't mean to. No matter if it was for jokes and giggles. He rather everything between them stayed platonic. 

After he was done cleaning up, Mark left the shower. He walked around his room, quietly humming under his breath as he picked out his clothes for the day. He walked over to his laptop, about to change the current song when he noticed the listening activity on his right. 

That… couldn't be right. 

That did not look good at all. 

Mark frowned. In a haste, he shut down his laptop and pulled on his pants. He didn't bother drying his hair properly either, proceeding to messily dry it with a towel. As he left his room, the front door opened, Yangyang entering their dorm. 

"Oh, hey dude! Glad you made it back safe," Yangyang said when he took notice of Mark. "You went missing last night. Hyuck was kind of worried."

"Yeah, about that. I got really wasted last night but do you know what happened with Hyuck?" Mark asked. 

"Not… really?" Yangyang answered. "I only saw him briefly last night at the party. He was with you the whole night. I thought you came back from his place?"

"No, no. Not at all. I- I got wasted last night and Jaehyun brought me home," Mark explained. "You sure nothing bad happened to Donghyuck last night?"

Yangyang shook his head. "Nothing that I'm aware of,"

"Right. Okay, yeah, never mind. I'm heading out. I'll see you later!" Mark said, walking past Yangyang to leave their dorm. 

Whoever broke Donghyuck's heart would have to pay today. 

**Listening Activity**  
**_haechan_ **  
_Talking to the Moon_  
_Bruno Mars_  
♬ _maybe i'm the idiot_

Mark made his way through the maze of dorm buildings. Sometimes he wondered if it would’ve been easier for Mark and Donghyuck to be roommates. If it would’ve saved them a lot of trouble if they just split the rent of an apartment somewhere outside of campus. Wondered if Donghyuck would even take up on that suggestion. 

He had never gone to Donghyuck’s dorm. 

Despite him saying they were still somewhat best friends. Despite Donghyuck having been always lounging around Mark’s dorm, whether to see him or to see Yangyang. Despite their parents always telling each other that the other was welcomed to their home, every time they were in their hometown, back then and even now. Yet, Mark had never gone to Donghyuck’s dorm. 

It did make him think momentarily, why? It wasn’t like Mark didn’t know where Donghyuck stayed. He was always updated with these little details. Even if he wasn’t, Yangyang knew so why couldn’t Mark too? Yangyang spent days at Donghyuck’s dorm so why couldn’t Mark? 

Donghyuck had always insisted he come over. 

“I can cook you a better meal than those cup noodles you live off,” Donghyuck said whenever the topic of hanging out at Donghyuck’s dorm came up. “We can watch that movie you’ve been talking about. Or maybe play some games. You can bring your laptop.”

But Mark never brought his laptop nor himself to Donghyuck’s dorm. Sometimes he said he was busy, but other times he didn’t know why he rejected hanging out with Donghyuck. 

Sure, he had deadlines to meet like any other college students. Yes, he needed to study too. But not to the point where he slaved himself. He was usually around, free, lounging in his dorm, staring at his laptop. However, when it came to Donghyuck it had always been, “Sorry, maybe next time?” or “I can’t today, sorry.” 

Mark said he was Donghyuck’s best friend - somewhat, still - but he barely even does anything with Donghyuck like what best friends do. They didn’t spend lunch together. They rarely hang out, always had some kind of string to tie them together at the same place. 

Even now, Mark didn’t know who this mysterious crush was who had broken Donghyuck’s heart. 

Was he still considered as Donghyuck’s best friend?

Yangyang who had met Donghyuck for less than two years seemed to know Donghyuck more than Mark who had seen Donghyuck spit into a sandbox in his diapers. 

His hand hovered in front of Donghyuck’s dorm door. Should he knock, he wondered. Donghyuck might need him. He might be crying inside his room, under the sheets right about now. Donghyuck took a one-room dorm. Expensive but that meant more privacy. No roommates but that also meant Donghyuck could be there all alone. 

Mark didn’t want Donghyuck to be alone.

He knocked on the door, loud enough. He waited. A second, two, a minute. He knocked again. It was quiet.

Then, the door opened. 

Donghyuck looked at him through a small crack he made between the door, eyes wide, red. 

Mark became alert. “Hyuck-”

“What are you doing here?” Donghyuck hissed causing Mark to flinch. “Why are you here, Mark Lee?”

“I- I saw your listening activity and-”

“And?” Donghyuck said, chuckling dryly. “You came here to soothe me or something? Laugh at my face? Tell me that everything is _a-okay_? Maybe tell me to grow up and stop writing my fucking feelings through a Spotify playlist?”

Mark frowned. “That’s not why I’m here, Hyuck. Listen, he-”

“Just leave, Mark,” Donghyuck cut him off, sighing tiredly.

“But Donghyuck, you’re hurting,” Mark said. 

“So? It’s not something I’m not used to,” Donghyuck said, chuckling bitterly. He looked away. “Leave me alone, Mark. I don’t want to see you right now,” He paused. “Or ever, really. I don’t know.”

"Donghyuck-”

“Bye.”

The door slammed shut before him. Mark stood there, quiet. He didn’t bother knocking again.

Maybe he should have taken up that offer to hang out at Donghyuck’s dorm all these times before. 

Now he didn’t even know if he was still welcomed into Donghyuck’s life. Much less his dorm. 

**Listening Activity**  
**_haechan_ **  
_Fools_  
_Troye Sivan_  
♬ _he broke my heart_

Mark took swimming back in Canada. 

He had always loved the water. It calmed him down, soothed him and was generally a comforting presence. When they moved to Canada, his father had brought him to the beach often. Mark enjoyed the sea breeze, the taste of salt in the air and the cold feeling of water against his feet. His school back then had a swimming club and Mark decided to join it. 

It wasn’t like he wanted to take up on competitive swimming or anything. He enjoyed the water and having an extra curricular after school activity back then seemed ideal. He didn’t have many friends, usually hanging around his swim club members. They were nice and Mark felt welcomed. 

Swimming had always been a good memory for him. Even if he didn’t enter competition or did anything remarkable by being in the swim club back in Canada, it was pleasant. 

When he was in college, he decided it wouldn’t hurt to join the swim club again. The members were nice and Mark made it an effort to at least join the inter-college competition. It was a comfort on its own. When classes had been straining for him and music wasn’t his preferred escapism, the pool was. 

Music and swimming came hand-in-hand in providing comfort to Mark.

That was why, when he left the dorms, earphones plugged in and walked aimlessly through campus, Mark wasn’t surprised to find himself in the pool area.

Getting slammed with the door in his face by his friend wasn’t exactly how Mark expected to spend the day after he got awfully wasted. Donghyuck didn’t want to see him. While Mark wasn’t exactly sure why, he accepted it as it was. Maybe Donghyuck had enough of hanging out with awkward, loser Mark. Maybe the party last night just gave him a concrete reason to stay away from Mark. 

It made sense, in Mark’s opinion. 

He sighed, staring at what looked like a newly cleaned pool. He didn’t bring his usual swimsuit, but he was sure he had a spare on in the locker room. Perhaps swimming a few laps would ease his mind a little. 

Mark threw his things into his locker, changing into his spare swim trunk and headed to the pool. He dipped his toes in slightly before jumping into the pool. 

The summer heat warmed up the water. It was soothing, just like what Mark thought it would be. Despite the smell of chlorine hitting his nose in strong waves. He swam a few laps, losing himself in the feeling of the water. It was probably after his sixth or seventh lap that he stopped. Finally noticing a figure looming over him. 

Felix gave him a smile and a wave. “Already hitting the pool? I thought you would still be in bed at this hour after last night,”

“Yeah, the headache was insane. But I thought swimming would clear up my mind a little. Sorry to ruin the pool though. Jaehyun told me you guys were cleaning it today,” Mark said. 

“It’s fine, mate. Do what you have to do to get rid of that sick hangover,” Felix shrugged him off. 

“Oh, yeah, and sorry about last night. Jaehyun said we played spin the bottle and I kissed you?”

“You don’t remember?” 

Mark shook his head. “Black out drunk last night.”

Felix chuckled. “Yeah, I could see that. It’s cool, dude. I thought it was funny. You were a great kisser though. My boyfriend thought it was amusing too.”

“Wait, you have a boyfriend?” Mark asked. 

“Hm? Oh, yeah. He studies in another university though,”

“Wait, dude. You have a boyfriend! I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean to kiss you or anything-”

Felix let out a laugh. “Chill, dude. I wouldn’t have agreed to play spin the bottle if my boyfriend would disapprove of it. He understands. It’s just fun and games. No strings attached or whatever.”

“I mean, I get it but I feel bad. I was seriously drunk last night,” Mark sighed, frowning. 

“It’s cool. You were a good kisser but I’m not really into you like that. I do have a boyfriend,” Felix said. “Mina was a bit surprised though. Not because you kissed her but more because you fainted on her,”

Mark blinked. “I fainted on her?”

“Yeah. You and her were chosen next. After you guys kissed you kinda just, passed out. Jaehyun dragged you into the locker room benches to rest until he eventually brought you home last night.” Felix explained.

Mark winced. “I should probably stop drinking so much after this.”

Felix chuckled. “Might have to consider that. I gotta go. See ya around, Mark!”

He waved Felix off, watched as he left the pool area. Mark floated on his back for a minute longer before he decided that he would go insane if he didn’t go and apologize to Mina soon. With that he left the pool, changed his clothes and texted Mina. 

“You _were_ a good kisser,” Mina said, nodding her head as she took a sip from her coffee that Mark bought for her. 

Mark blushed a bright red. “Can we… forget whatever happened last night?”

“I’ll forget that you fainted on me but I won’t forget the kiss,” Mina said, looking at him. “Not because I’m attracted to you or anything. You’re kind of a loser. But because I haven’t had a good kiss since my last boyfriend a few months ago.”

Mark met Mina in the swimming club. She was outspoken, outgoing and called Mark a loser the moment Mark stepped foot into the club. There was a kind of friendly rivalry going on between them. Mina was a great swimmer and Mark was probably one of the few who was on par with her. The rest were either too advanced or lesser than them. They build a solid friendship with each other. They didn’t talk much outside of the club but Mark liked to think that they were close enough to know basic info of each other. 

“Wait, you broke up with that guy from Psychology?” Mark asked. 

Mina hummed. “Yeah, like two, three months ago? It got boring between us real quick,”

“That’s it? Because you were bored of each other so you broke up?”

“That, and he was kind of a dick so,” Mina shrugged her shoulder. “Better than letting it worsen eventually. How about you?”

“What about me?”

“Other than kissing two different people last night, any interesting development of your love life?” 

Mark sighed. “It has always been non-existent.”

Mina gave him a pitiful look. “This is why I call you a loser.”

Mark looked at her, unamused. It wasn’t like he didn’t seek love. He just didn’t do it actively like the rest of the student body. Love never bothered knocking on his life either way. 

“You came with Donghyuck last night, didn’t you? How about him?” Mina asked. 

“We’re just friends,” Mark replied, an eyebrow arched. 

Mina blinked her eyes. It was quiet for a short while, neither of them speaking. Until Mina opened up her mouth, “Wait, really?”

“Yes?”

“Huh, but I always thought…” Mina trailed off. She shook her head. “Never mind. But seriously? Nothing is going on with you and Donghyuck?”

Mark scoffed. “Yes, nothing is going on between us. He’s my best friend… or at least I still think he is.”

“Something happened?”

“I don’t know. His crush broke his heart or something. But when I came over to make him feel better he shut me out. He said he doesn’t want to see me. I think we fought? But I’m not even sure what’s the cause of it.” Mark sighed, frowning. “I shouldn’t have gotten black out drunk last night. I can’t even remember shit that happened unless someone told me of it.”

“It happens to the best of us, Mark Lee. Don’t sweat it. I’ve gotten wasted as heck too, I’m only lucky that my girlfriends are around to help me,” Mina said, smiling. “As for Donghyuck… Just let him calm down. Perhaps he’s feeling really terrible after basically getting crushed by someone he loved. He would come around. If you’re still worried about him, try to talk to him in a few days. I’m sure he’ll feel slightly better by then. Not everything is your fault, you know? He’s probably lashing out at others because he’s overwhelmed.”

Mark nodded his head, taking in Mina’s advice. “Yeah. Maybe. I’ll give him some space if that’s what he wants. Thanks, Mina.”

**Listening Activity**  
**_haechan_ **  
_The Story of Us_  
_Taylor Swift_  
♬ _he broke my heart_

When Mark was about a year and a half, his mother brought him to the park in their neighbourhood. 

It was big, wide and it was filled with older kids. He had clung onto his mother tight. Too afraid to let go. He could babble a few words, maybe understand a lot more but he never liked being around new people. He stared at the group of children playing in the sandbox and cried. 

Mark didn’t want to be there. 

When he was around the age of two, probably entering three, his mother brought him to the house next door. They were Lees too, they told Mark. They had played with Mark before, the two adults. But when Mark was brought to their house that day, there was another child. He had big, bright eyes. He grinned wide, gums out with no teeth. He was younger than Mark by a year yet his grip on Mark’s tiny hand was strong.

Mark smiled at him then, he never wanted to let go. 

When Mark and Donghyuck were five and four respectively, they went to kindergarten together. 

They held onto each other's hands while their mothers walked behind them. The walk from their houses to the kindergarten was short but was always meaningful. He couldn’t remember much of their time then but he remembered that Donghyuck always called him hyung back then. Mark had pouted his lips, dissatisfied. 

“You don’t have to call me hyung,” Mark told him then. 

“Why?” Donghyuck asked. “You’re older than me, so I should call you hyung, right?”

“I don’t like it.” Mark said. Before Donghyuck could cry, he continued, “We’re friends, right? Why should you call me hyung? Just call me like how you call your other friends in class.”

“So, I can call you Mark?”

“Yes.”

When they entered elementary school, Donghyuck was always standing behind Mark. 

“They hate me,” Donghyuck said. “They think I’m ugly because I don’t look fair like the rest of them and because I talk too much.”

“I don’t hate you,” Mark said, putting a bandaid over yet another bruise on Donghyuck’s otherwise unblemished skin. “I think you’re the prettiest person I’ve met… maybe after my mom.”

“I’m pretty?”

“Yes.”

“Not handsome?”

Mark shrugged his shoulders. “You can be handsome too. But I think pretty suits you more. You’re delicate and they’re wrong to ever hate on you because you’re the best person ever. They’ll be sorry that they did mean things to you. They’ll never hear the end of it when I get my way with them.”

“You’re going to hit them back?” Donghyuck asked. 

“Maybe.” Mark said. 

He never did. He thought that violence was stupid. Instead, he pulled little pranks. Harmless but enough to get Donghyuck’s bullies annoyed. He gathered enough evidence then he gave it to the principal. Mark never left Donghyuck’s side, right up until he graduated elementary and Donghyuck’s bullies had stopped. 

When they were in middle school, Mark always followed Donghyuck from behind. 

Whatever bullying that happened with Donghyuck had stopped a year before he graduated elementary. When he entered middle school, he wasn’t the same little boy who cowered behind Mark. Instead, he was the confident young boy who did public speaking; who talked and made friends; who had sunshine in his pocket and his smile. If Mark was walking with him at the side, it felt like Mark was looking at him from afar. 

Donghyuck was still plastered to him whenever they weren’t in class. He was still known as Donghyuck’s best friend. He wore that with pride. 

But when Mark held his hand, Donghyuck pulled away. And it felt like he was growing further apart. 

Mark left for Canada the day he graduated middle school. 

Donghyuck gave him a bouquet of flowers before he left to congratulate him. 

They never talked about how Donghyuck cried at the airport. 

When Mark was in Canada, he fell in love with someone. He told Donghyuck about her.

He said fall in love but they barely lasted for more than five months. It was nice while it lasted. He never thought of her again and Mark worked his way through high school. Donghyuck told him where he was planning to apply for college. Mark decided to work towards the same goal. 

When they both were in college, Mark stuck to his playlists and swim team; Donghyuck stuck with his new college friends and parties every once in a while. 

And yet, even with their different courses and different friends, they would always find each other. Whether it was Donghyuck bumping his shoulders in the hallways or Mark seeing him from the other end of the cafeteria, their eyes would always somehow meet each other. 

They never really had lunch breaks together. Never planned for it even. Mark always had his lunch near the library or at his dorm. Rarely in public. But in the occasional case that Mark bumped into Donghyuck while getting food at the cafeteria, he would always drag Mark to a seat. They would have lunch together and it felt like middle school all over again.

But today, today was not the day he got transported to his middle school memories. 

As Mark stood there in the middle of the bustling cafeteria, he felt really out of place. He hated crowds. Hated the noise and chatters that came with it. Hated when he was put in a social setting because he never learnt how to speak eloquently or when to shut up. 

It usually wouldn't be a problem for him. Pay for what he wanted to eat and leave. But today, his eyes met another pair at the end of the cafeteria. It wasn't red with tears anymore but it wasn't clear from sadness either. The eyes had met him briefly before turning away. 

"Yo, dude, you gonna move?" Mark jolted in place. 

"Sorry," He mumbled before walking ahead in line. 

His eyes still roamed the cafeteria, trying to catch the same pair of eyes again while not getting too distracted. 

He wondered if the past few days were enough to be considered as space like Mina had said. It felt weird. For them to meet eyes in public and to not have Donghyuck calling out for him. Donghyuck would always actively seek for him, even in times that Mark didn't think Donghyuck would call out for him whenever he was surrounded with his friends. 

He took a deep breath as he was done paying. Maybe if he approached first, it would be better. 

Mark took a step forward, to where Donghyuck was sitting with Yangyang and his other friend, Renjun. He thought he would make it. Say hi to Donghyuck; ask him how he has been the last few days; who broke his heart. 

But before Mark could even reach an arm's length towards their table, he met eyes with Donghyuck again. 

The other's eyes widened before he was hastily picking up his things. Even his friends were startled at his sudden behaviour. He had smiled at them, nodding his head, muttering an apology before leaving the table. Mark had watched this all unfold before him, stopping in his tracks. 

Perhaps it was a bad idea to approach. 

And still, he walked over to their table. Yangyang noticed him, smiling. 

"Hey, Mark!" 

"Hey, uh…" Mark trailed off. "Is Donghyuck not with you guys?" 

Yangyang and Renjun looked at each other. There was a silent conversation going on between them. Mark was starting to feel increasingly bothered by this. He didn't want to intrude, much less experience the awkwardness of being forgotten that he was within range of Donghyuck's friends. It was Renjun who spoke to him next. 

"He just left, actually," Renjun told him, as if Mark didn't see him walk away when he saw him. 

"Did he tell you where he was going?" Mark asked. 

Renjun shook his head. "No. He just left."

Mark nodded his head. Yeah. That was alright, he guessed. 

"Did… something happen between you and him?" Yangyang asked, looking at him suspiciously. 

Renjun stared at him the same way too, more calculating and careful. He generally knew who Mark was. Donghyuck's awkward childhood best friend that popped in from time to time. But that was about it when it came to his acquaintanceship with Renjun. 

So, Mark wasn't sure how to answer them either. 

Maybe something did happen between him and Donghyuck. But Mark wasn't sure _what_ happened to them to warrant Donghyuck's avoidance of him. Which, in hindsight, did make it sound like Mark was this terrible loser friend. He didn't want to seem like a complete asshole in front of Donghyuck's other friends who Donghyuck seemed to cherish a lot. 

Mark gave them a tersed smile. He shook his head. "No. Nothing happened. I just thought I could've said hi to him if he was around. Guess not. Bye, guys." 

He left their table, oblivious to the concern Renjun and Yangyang threw at each other. He sighed. 

Maybe he should wait out a few more days?

Mark didn't even need to force himself to wait out a few more days. Before he knew it, he was swarmed with work that he did not foresee. 

"Remember the pool party that you got wasted and I had to drag yourself back to my place and had you throw up on my carpet? Or my boyfriend's carpet, really. Do you remember?" Jaehyun asked him, a day after his incident with Donghyuck at the cafeteria. 

"Yes..?" Mark answered him hesitantly. 

Jaehyun gave him a cheshire grin. "Great! I need you to return me that favour right now." 

Jaehyun dated this alumni of theirs, who graduated two years prior. Mark had met his boyfriend briefly at yet another party Jaehyun had forced him to attend. His boyfriend was, appearance wise, just as wild as Mark had expected of someone Jaehyun to date. But personality wise, he was pretty much an absolute angel. 

Taeyong had been kind enough to make him drink water and send him to the dorm back when Mark had drunk his ass off in freshman year because he wasn’t sure how to deny the seniors. He was gentle, smart and was part of a band that Mark may or may not be slightly obsessed with. But that was where their relationship with each other had drawn its line. Mark barely even heard from Taeyong unless it was related to his band. 

Up until Jaehyun came in to ask him to return that favour. 

"You want me to do _what_ now?" Mark exclaimed, eyes wide. His loud voice had successfully gathered the attention of passersby at the courtyard but Mark could really care less. 

"I need you to help out Taeyong and his band on Saturday, two weeks from now. I'll be there too of course, boyfriend moral support but there's this music festival and the band is kinda out of hands right now," Jaehyun explained. "You're a Music major, you can play the guitar right?"

"Well, yeah-"

"And you can rap? You own a Soundcloud account right?"

Mark blushed a bright red. "I do… but I don't get how this has anything to do with helping Taeyong? Isn't the band all okay?"

Jaehyun winced. "There's some, um, complications happening within the band. I need you to help fill in as support for them."

"You want me to play support for Mad City!?" Mark hissed. 

"Yes? I know you've been a fan of them since freshman and you have just the thing Taeyong needs in case, uh, it falls apart. So can you?" Jaehyun asked. "This is just a backup plan, you see. Their guitarist recently bailed on them, creative difference or whatever so I don't know if they'll find a replacement on time. Otherwise, I need you to help me out with setting up the band at the venue."

"You really want me to help you set up Mad City at a music festival?"

"Yeah, the Resonance Festival by the way,"

"The Resonance Festival!" Mark exclaimed. It was one of the biggest music festivals in Seoul. Mark had always wanted to attend it. But the tickets sold out crazily fast.

"You down for this? It's basically a free ticket to Resonance Fest anyways," Jaehyun said. 

Mark bit down on his lips. "Do I have to audition as a support for Mad City?"

Jaehyun grinned. "Don't worry. I've saved you the trouble."

"Stage jitters?" Kun, the keyboardist asked him as he bumped his shoulders against Mark. 

"Kind of?" Mark said, looking at the crowd waiting for Mad City. "There's a lot of people,"

"Don't be. You've practiced for this day," Taeyong said. "Sorry we asked for your help at the last minute but you're doing great, Mark! It kind of feels that you've always been a part of this band,"

Mark smiled. "Thanks."

It was true. For the past two weeks, Mark had done nothing but practice. It wasn't like he was unfamiliar with Mad City's music. He had probably memorized it at the back of his mind ever since he had known of their existence. It didn't hurt to practice though. 

If he wasn't in his classes or doing his assignments, Mark would be in the dorm playing his guitar, sometimes practicing with their band. They had never been short of their praises for him. Mark was honoured honestly. It was one thing to be playing support for your favourite band, it was another to get praises from them. 

"You'll do great, Mark. And if you don't think so, well the swim team does," Jaehyun said. 

"What?" Mark asked, just as someone called out for him. He turned around, surprised to see a few of the swim club members around. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Captain told us that you're playing for his boyfriend's band. We kinda got roped in," Felix answered.

"Do you know how hard it was to buy tickets for this damn festival? Some of us were really disappointed they couldn't make it but they wish you well," Mina said, grinning. "Good luck, loser!" 

He received varying words of encouragement before he watched them all leave to find a good spot. Mark turned towards Jaehyun, eyes wide. The elder merely smiled at him, giving him a reassuring pat before he left to fix whatever problem their bassist Yuta was facing. 

Mark knew that he was somewhat close with the swim club members but he never expected them to come over and support his first gig. Something warm blossomed within him. He smiled. 

Briefly, Mark wondered if Donghyuck knew he was here. If he was aware that Mark was playing support for Mad City, a band that he had constantly talked Donghyuck's ears off. 

They hadn't spoken to each other in close to a month. Sometimes Mark wondered how he was doing, if his heart was still broken by a crush Mark didn't know of. He saw him in the campus hallways occasionally. He didn't look terrible, smiling at whatever joke his friends had said. 

But Mark saw the way his eyes didn't sparkle as much as it used to and his heart ached. 

"Mad City, get ready in 10!" A backstage staff called out. 

Mark sighed, walking over to get into his position. The band members gave him a reassuring smile at his sullen look and Mark returned it to appease them. 

He wasn't even nervous about the gig, too busy thinking about Donghyuck and whether Mark would see him in the crowd.

“That was wicked,” Kun said as they came down the stage.

“The crowd loves us! They love us!” Yuta exclaimed, huffing out short laughter in between. 

Mark laughed along, Taeyong pulling him backstage by an arm around his shoulders. 

“They love us!” Taeyong joined in with Yuta’s exclamation. “Of course they do! It’s all thanks to Mark Lee here,”

“Ah, I did nothing…”

“Nothing?” Their drummer, Johnny said. “Dude, you absolutely killed it,”

“That guitar solo of yours was insane. The crowd was in love, Mark,” Kun joined in. 

“Totally, bro,” Yuta said, fistbumping his forearm. “Hey, this is out of my responsibility but I think I speak for all of us when I ask this; do you want to join us as a permanent guitarist?”

Mark stopped in his tracks. He stared at the band members, eyes wide. “Are you serious?”

“Well, I don’t see why not. We’ve had fun practicing with you these past two weeks. We think you’ll be the perfect addition to Mad City,” Taeyong explained, smiling. Mark pondered over his words. “If you need time to think then we’ll let you so. I know you still have college to worry about but rest assured. We don’t do much aside from playing gigs here and there and recording some songs. If you’re into that, you can definitely join us.”

Mark wouldn’t deny and say he had never dreamt of being in a band. His obsession with music and guitar had been derived from the insane amount of punk rock bands he had listened to back in middle school and even now. Maybe he had dreamt of it in passing. Thought of dropping everything and starting a band for fun with his friends. But he never had enough friends to start a band with. Right now, he was given an opportunity laid out on a golden plate. Mark wanted to take a bite out of it. 

“Hey, hey, hey, don’t steal my best swimmer right under my nose,” Jaehyun said, pulling Mark away from Taeyong. He pouted. “As much as I want him to have fun playing gigs and stop staying coop up in his room, I need him to compete in the next intercollege competition,”

“Oh, come on, you’re just scared he’ll be cooler than you,” Johnny retorted. 

“Well, seeing the crowd screaming over his solo, I think he has already become cooler than Jaehyun.” Kun pointed out, amused.

Mark watched as Jaehyun pouted at them. He wouldn’t say that that was a first sight for him, but Mark rather not see again. 

“So, Mark, what do you say?” Taeyong asked, looking at him hopefully.

They were all looking at him hopefully. Mark knew that their previous guitarist leaving had been a big blow to them. It wasn’t a pleasant experience. When Mark came in for support, they had been encouraging, happy and Mark had been completely absorbed in the music. To say the least, he enjoyed it very much. 

“Can I- Is it okay if I play support for you guys for a few more times before I give you a proper answer?” Mark answered. “It’s not like I don’t want to. I really do. But I’m not good with crowds so I was thinking, you know, maybe, see how it goes for another few times. Just- Just so I know that I can really do this,”

Mark looked up, expecting them to be disappointed or saddened, maybe even angry at his words. But instead he found them smiling at him. 

“Hey kid, it’s cool if that’s what you want.” Johnny reassured him. “We can’t force you and we’ll be happy that you’ll even want to continue playing support for us especially since this has been a very last minute gig for you.”

Mark blinked. “Really?”

“Really.” They said. 

“You can think about it but I’ll still hit you up from time to time if there are any gigs in the future. You can say no, no pressure, really.” Taeyong said. “How about you go and enjoy the fest? I’m sure the swim team is excited to see you.”

Mark smiled at them, nodding his head and removing himself from Jaehyun. “I’ll see you guys around,”

“See you around, Markie!” They called out as Mark left backstage. 

The crowd was still jamming to the current band on stage. Mark wasn’t too familiar with them but he was enjoying their current track. He walked over to join the jumping crowd. He pulled his phone to check on the current setlist. The song was more indie, a bit more mellow than Mad City’s heavy rock and guitar. It wasn’t exactly up his alley but Mark liked it. In his mind, he knew Donghyuck would appreciate the song better.

It was definitely something Donghyuck enjoyed listening to. A bit more pop in the rhythm. Cheerful but with wistful lyrics. 

Mark snickered quietly to himself, of course Donghyuck’s type of music was something that contradicted each other. And then he frowned. 

It would be nice if Donghyuck was here.

Jaehyun had asked him, a week before the festival, whether or not he wanted an extra ticket and invited a friend. At first, Mark wanted to take up on that offer. But then he declined. 

Who was he supposed to invite? He wanted to invite Donghyuck along, knowing how much the other loved music as much as he did. But Mark wasn’t sure where they stood with each other. They hadn’t talked in so long, Mark wondered if Donghyuck even wanted to be around him still. He could invite Yangyang, but they were merely roommates, close friends at best. It just didn't feel as meaningful as giving the ticket to Donghyuck. And with Donghyuck ghosting him, it was better that he didn’t have any extra tickets anyways. He didn’t know who to give it to. 

Mark sighed, thumb hovering on his phone screen, wondering if he had the rights to share this new music with Donghyuck. Would he like it; would he read the message even; would he reply to Mark, maybe?

“Mark!” He looked up at the call of his name, already being bombarded by various limbs. 

“Dude, you killed earlier!”

“Mark, that was awesome, dude.”

“Perhaps you’re not a loser after all,”

Mark laughed at his swim team’s exclamations. “You guys saw that?”

“Saw? We enjoyed it!” Felix said, hitting him playfully. “We never knew you could play that sick,”

Mark laughed. It was nice receiving praises from familiar people. They ranted more about his performance, a new band replacing the previous one on stage. Mark listened to their rambles as much as he could, what with the loud music surrounding them. His eyes flickered away for a second, looking into the crowd and Mark swore he was hallucinating. 

“Hey, uh, I’ll catch up with you guys later,”

“Wait, Mark-!”

He slipped away from them, pushing past sweaty bodies as he tried to chase a familiar figure.

It couldn’t be that Donghyuck was here, right? Perhaps it was a trick of his eyes. Maybe Mark missed him so much that he started hallucinating his presence. But Mark had recognized his body shape more than he liked to admit. He had known Donghyuck for far too long to not have his side profile, back side engraved in his brain. It couldn’t be that Mark was mistaken, right?

He pushed past the mass of crowds, trying to follow where the shadow of ripped jeans and blue converse had gone to. He was only a few metres in front of Mark but the number of people made it hard for him to catch up.

“Donghyuck!” Mark called out, hoping that it was Donghyuck. 

Maybe it wasn’t. 

But then the figure turned slightly, eyes meeting Mark’s briefly before the crowds cheered over whatever was going on onstage. The crowd filled in and Mark got lost in the sea of people. He tried to push through but the moment he left the crowds, Donghyuck was nowhere to be seen. 

When Mark texted him that night, it was left unopened; when he called, it was unanswered. As expected of Donghyuck. He never answered texts or calls after the sun sets. His listening activity was active though and Mark saw him listening to the setlist from the music festival earlier. It further pushed Mark to believe that Donghyuck was there. He never responded to any form of communication from Mark after that day he got Donghyuck’s dorm room door slammed right in his face. Never bothered to say hi to Mark when their eyes met in the hallways. 

But for once, Mark wished he did. Prayed that he saw Mark’s caller ID and thought to answer him. 

Yet he never did and Mark was left hanging on a thread, the other end obscured by uncertainty. He had never felt so terrible than right now.

**Listening Activity**  
**_marklee_ **  
_Let Me Know_  
_LANY_  
♬ _Talk to me, please?_

Mark stared at his laptop screen. The listening activity on his Spotify web has been inactive since the past two hours or so. He wasn’t sure if this would work. This was his first attempt. He had been listening to the same few songs, repeating the same playlist for the past hour. 

Would Donghyuck even see?

He knew Donghyuck followed him on Spotify. It was years ago when Mark did first and Donghyuck followed suit. He was a little hopeful, maybe even delirious. 

Would Donghyuck see it?

He wished for Donghyuck to see it. Even if the chances were really low, Mark would hold onto it. The only way for you to see your friend’s listening activity was if you were on Spotify web. He knew that Donghyuck rarely listened to Spotify on his laptop or the web version. But he would hold onto that hope.

Hold onto that hope that Donghyuck would see this. Just so he had a way to reach out to Donghyuck. Any possible ways he could think of that might be seen by Donghyuck. Because he couldn’t bear this suffocating silence between them. He needed to know what was wrong; why was Donghyuck pushing him away; who broke his heart. He needed answers. 

He prayed to God that Donghyuck sees this, however ridiculous it may seem. 

**Listening Activity**  
**_haechan_ **  
_Fall For You_  
_Secondhand Serenade_  
♬ _maybe i’m the idiot_

“What do you think of playing with the band at a party?”

Mark looked at Jaehyun, unimpressed. “You just want me to attend a party.”

Jaehyun gave him a sly smile. “Maybe.”

Mark sighed. Even if Jaehyun didn’t say anything, he did promise the band that he would play support for them for another few gigs before he decided whether or not he wanted to join their band. If they were playing for a party as a gig, Taeyong might text him soon. He knew he was given the choice to reject but Mark didn’t have the heart in him to say no.

He took a sip from his soda, eyes looking around the pool. Around two months ago, they held a party here. Donghyuck had come along with him. They danced. Had too much to drink and laughed a little too loudly. 

Now, Mark could barely see Donghyuck around. He knew he was at least alive. But that was basically it. It was as if they were back in high school, barely reaching out to each other. Only this time it was worse. 

Because back then, there had been miles between them. Now, there were only two buildings stopping them from meeting each other. Yet none of them bothered. Maybe it was Mark who was too much of a coward. But what else was he supposed to do when Donghyuck avoided him like a plague. He wasn’t even sure what he did wrong. 

Mark pursed his lips. “Hey, Jae, if I play with the band for a party, can you do me a favour?”

Jaehyun snorted. “If we keep asking each other for favours it’s going to be never ending. Just tell me what you want. You’ve already played with my boyfriend’s band and entered the intercollege competition. There’s nothing you owe me.”

Mark looked at him. “Okay. Can you get Donghyuck to attend this party?”

Jaehyun blinked. “Donghyuck?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” Jaehyun asked. “Did something happen between you two? Now that I notice, I haven’t seen him hanging around you for a while.”

Mark sighed, looking down. “I don’t know. I- We haven’t talked since that pool party I came with him. He’s been avoiding me and I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know what I did wrong for him to avoid me. I don’t want to like- approach him unannounced.”

“Dude, then you’ll never know what’s the problem if you don’t look for him,” Jaehyun reasoned. 

“Yeah, but I don’t want him to be uncomfortable. I’m doing this out of respect for him but this is getting frustrating. I just want to know what I did wrong,” Mark mumbled out. 

Jaehyun sighed. “I don’t know if you’re just being unreasonably nice, is fucking stupid or dense, Mark.”

Mark winced. “Can’t help it. I’ve always been awkward.”

“You’re not awkward, just, painfully unaware sometimes. A bit too nice.” Jaehyun replied. “Donghyuck had always attended the parties I held with his friends. I can invite him, maybe have Jaemin drag him along.”

“Thanks, dude.”

“But _you_ need to get your shit together, Mark Lee.” Jaehyun said pointedly, looking at him. “Whatever is going on between you and Donghyuck can either be fixed by one of you. You can be nice and give him as much space as you think he wants but in the end, you gotta confront him, knowing that something is bothering you. Talking is great, you know.”

“I know…” Mark mumbled. “I’ll try my best.”

There was a different kind of rush from jamming on stage to swimming. On stage, the adrenaline was over the roof. The sweat trickling down his back was uncomfortable. But the rush he felt as the music consumed him was insane. In the pool, the water was calm. It soothed his skin, pushing him forward, making him feel like he was floating in the sky. They were two different things and yet, they became a kind of comfort for Mark.

Because as he stood here, a bit jittery, Mark wished he could jump down from the makeshift stage and pull Donghyuck away. 

Mark could see him from where he was standing, breathing heavily as his fingers danced on the strings. He lost count on how many times their eyes met. If they met, or if Mark was slightly hallucinating. Being on stage did that to him, Mark realized.

He wanted to get off of here. He wanted to pull Donghyuck away, ask him where the fuck he had been in the past two months. Begging him to answer the hundred million questions Mark had running through his brain. Maybe his band mates could see that hopeful desire in him while he was playing. Because the moment they stepped off stage for a break, Taeyong had pushed him away. 

“Do what you have to do,” He said. 

“What?” Mark asked.

Taeyong smiled at him, comforting. “Good luck.”

Mark wasn’t sure what he needed the luck for. He only wanted to talk to his best friend again. Maybe asked for some closure. Whether or not Donghyuck still wanted to be his friend; whether he wanted to be associated with Mark or not. So many questions and words he wanted to let out. Mark inhaled deeply, thanking Taeyong and walked through the maze of people in search of Donghyuck.

The party was massive. He shouldn’t be surprised. Jaehyun knew too many people and the band members probably did too. This party was in honour of their successful appearance at the music festival so it was only to be expected that a lot of their friends - and perhaps some fans - were around. 

Navigating his way around was tricky. Trying to find Donghyuck in the sea of humans was trickier. But Mark had known Donghyuck for years. He would like to think that he had a Donghyuck radar attached to his body. Perhaps luck was on his side too, when he found Donghyuck standing idly outside.

“Donghyuck!” Mark called out. 

The other looked up, eyes wide and soon he was turned around, running away from Mark. Mark chased him. Hell, he had enough of this chasing and running and avoiding. He just wanted to talk. Why was it so hard to get Donghyuck in one place so that they could talk?

“Donghyuck!”

“Leave me alone, Mark.”

“Donghyuck, come on. I just, I want to talk, please. Tell me what’s wrong? Why are you avoiding me? What did I do?” Mark begged. “I want to know if you’re okay. Who the hell broke your heart, Donghyuck? And why must I be the victim of- of whatever heartbreak you’re going through?”

Donghyuck stopped and Mark followed suit. He turned around to look at Mark. “Seriously?”

“What?” Mark asked, confused.

**Listening Activity**  
**_haechan_ **  
_To Find You_  
_Sing Street_  
♬ _he broke my heart_

“Have you ever thought about who he might be?” Donghyuck asked, looking at Mark straight in the eyes.

“Him? Your crush?” Mark asked, blinking. “I- I have. I don’t know who it is but I’ve narrowed it down to a few people.”

Donghyuck huffed a quiet laughter. “Who are they?”

“A few, uh,” Mark shrugged his shoulders. “Lucas from Engineering. Your classmate, Jeno. I thought it might’ve been Renjun or Jaemin but they’re dating. That other guy from Business too. At first I thought it might be that girl from Design. Yangyang-”

“Yangyang? Liu Yangyang? Your roommate Yangyang?” Donghyuck exclaimed. 

“Yeah?” Mark replied.

“Why?”

“Because, I don’t know, it makes sense.”

“You think that me having a crush on Yangyang, your roommate, the person I’ve known for like less than two years makes sense?” Donghyuck asked, voice in disbelief. “But you have never, _never_ thought that perhaps, maybe I have a crush on you? That maybe all those songs were for you? You don’t think that makes sense?”

“Me?” Mark asked, surprised. 

“Yes, you, you fucking idiot!” Donghyuck exclaimed. “Who the fuck follows me on Spotify out of all the social media accounts I own? Who sees my fucking listening activity and just knows what kind of mood I am in the next day? Who do you think all those songs are dedicated for?”

Mark went silent as he pondered over the questions. Who does he think all those songs were dedicated for?

“You’ve seen them, haven’t you? The songs in those playlists. You listened to them, didn’t you?” Donghyuck asked in a hushed whisper. 

Mark nodded his head. Because he did, he listened to them. From the first playlist - ‘I love you, idiot’ - to the recent one, the heartbreak playlist - ‘he broke my heart’. Mark listened to them. Because that was just how he communicated, how he understood people better. Through their music choices, through their song playlists, through the songs they had personally handpicked. 

Donghyuck chose those songs in the playlist.

And Mark listened to all of them. 

“You... like me?” Mark asked carefully.

“Yes, you idiot,” Donghyuck said, voice wet as tears streamed down his face.

Then it hit him.

Those songs _were_ for him. There were songs; songs that Mark had recommended to Donghyuck as they were growing up; songs that they listened to on the radio back when they were kids; songs that Mark possibly hadn’t heard before but just right up to his music taste. Because Donghyuck knew of those. He remembered it. What Mark liked and disliked or what he enjoyed and didn’t.

Because Donghyuck had always been his best friend.

“But why?” Mark whispered. 

“Why?” Donghyuck chuckled, wet and broken. “You’re really asking me why I like you? Because you’re you. You’re Mark Lee. You don’t think you’re anything special or astounding but you were always there. You absolutely hate crowds and yet you’ll brave through them for me. You listened to me even when I didn’t think about how I wanted to be heard. Because you’re Mark Lee and you’re my best friend.”

“Because you’re Mark Lee, so beautiful and so kind and I- I have always been in love with you.”

Mark stood there, stunned.

“But you could’ve someone better than me, Hyuck,”

“And for what?” Donghyuck asked. “I don’t love them. I don’t want them. I love _you,_ Mark Lee. I want you. Since the day we became friends to the day you left for Canada and even up until now. I’ve always wanted you. But you’ve never given me the indication that you want the same.”

He sighed. The light in his eyes was gone. It wasn’t the same shining galaxies Mark saw that summer when he came back to Korea from Canada. It wasn’t the beautiful glimmer that had Mark unable to look away. It was gone. The light dimmed, the fire put out. 

All because of one, Mark Lee. 

Donghyuck turned to walk away and in that moment Mark reached out to stop him. The younger paused, turning around to look back at him. Mark didn’t meet his gaze. 

“Sometimes, I feel like you’re out of reach.” Mark started. “You were different when I came back. You glowed and you were happy and I didn’t want to be the one who ruined that. Because I’ve always thought, why would you hang out with me? I’m awkward and out of touch and I don’t- I don’t shine like you do. I don’t want to be the shadow that obscure your light,”

“Mark, you’ve never-”

“But then, you talk to me like we’re 13 again,” Mark said, looking at Donghyuck. “You joke with me as if we don’t have this- societal wall between us that separates us. You, the really cool, pretty and popular Donghyuck and me, the awkward, never grew out of his phase, Mark. It made me- it made me happy.”

Mark sucked in a deep breath. He looked at Donghyuck, fondness seeping through him as he stared at the eyes that was now filling with a glimmer of hope. 

“I’ve always held you dear to my heart, Donghyuck. Whether it was love or something else back then, I wasn’t sure. But there’s always something about you that I’m sure of, Donghyuck. I never want to let you go. Even if you have cooler friends or if you run off to another one of Jaehyun’s stupid party, I never want to let you go. That, I’m sure of.”

The tears have dried, leaving a visible track on Donghyuck’s cheeks. There was a smile, small but beautiful. There was light, in the brown eyes that Mark had come to love in the past years. In the eyes that Mark had never been able to look away, despite all the insecurities he had ever talked about. 

Shining with the light that Mark had sworn to protect with his life. 

**Listening Activity**  
**_haechan_ **  
_Thinking Out Loud_  
_Ed Sheeran_  
♬ _I love you, idiot_

“I’m glad that you two have made up,” Yangyang said as he saw them lounging in the dorm. “But I would really appreciate it if you do this couple thing at Donghyuck’s dorm. He rented a one-room dorm for a reason.”

“You’re just jealous,” Donghyuck said, sticking out his tongue at the other from where he laid on Mark’s lap. 

Mark smiled. He combed his fingers through Donghyuck’s hair while the other hand busy itself with clicking on his mouse. 

“I think I have the right to be jealous? Love has taken away my two closest friends. Who am I going to go for gossip now?” Yangyang sighed. 

“Just hang out with Jeno. He’ll appreciate it.” Donghyuck said. 

“He’s a great friend but he’s not a great gossiper.” Yangyang huffed out, pouting. “Hey, we’re still going to that lunch together, right? Or are you guys busy sucking faces?”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re going.” Donghyuck said, waving him off. He raised his head to look at Mark. “You’re coming along, right?”

Mark looked down at him. He blinked. “You want me to go hang out with your cool friends?”

“Yeah, silly. I need to introduce you to my _cool friends,”_

Yangyang snorted. “Cool friends? Jaemin tripped on his two feet every time he saw Renjun. Jeno is a Samoyed personified, cute, good looking but jokes like my dad and Donghyuck has never been cool. If anyone, I’m the cool friend. I’m the main character, the rest are just stand-ins.”

Donghyuck groaned. He rolled his eyes and sat up. “Shut the fuck up, Yangyang. You’re the embodiment of embarrassing, that’s what you are! _What_ cool friend?”

Mark laughed to himself as he watched his boyfriend and roommate tackled each other for the rest of the morning. When afternoon hits, Donghyuck pushes him to get ready. They left the dorm, Yangyang babbling about his newfound discovery of sorts, Mark couldn’t help but feel a certain warmth in his heart. 

There was a skip in their step, a steady rhythm in their heartbeat and a music track playing somewhere in the background. The world didn’t feel so terrible anymore for the both of them when Mark intertwined their fingers together. 

**Listening Activity**  
**_haechan_ **  
_My First and Last_  
_NCT Dream_  
♬ _I love you, Mark Lee_

**Author's Note:**

> your comments would make me really happy ;-;


End file.
